Divorcing someone you share children with is very different from divorcing someone when no children are involved. Your children will tie you together for years to come and whether you like it or not you cannot just shut the other person out of your life for good.
The better you can make your co-parenting relationship, the better things should be for your children. They still love you both, and research has shown children do better when both parents continue to play an active role in their lives.
Couples who divorce are often barely on speaking terms and it might be that years of poor communication is what led to the divorce. If this applies to you, you may wonder how you will suddenly become the better communicators that your children need you to be. Here are some tips:
Stick to business
If the marriage is over you need to narrow your focus when conversing with your co-parent. Stick to discussing only what concerns your children. Don’t get dragged into talking about the past as it could open old wounds and increase tension.
Think children first
Your co-parent says something you do not like. Your first reaction might be to say something cutting back. Or to shut down and stop listening. Neither will help your child. Remember, the right answer to things is usually the one that is best for your children.
Avoid putting yourselves in volatile situations
Some ex-spouses are difficult. They don’t want to be nice or make communication easy. If yours is like this, then limit how and when you communicate. You might cut out all face-to-face meetings or phone calls and insist on only communicating by email. Or you might insist that all handovers of the kids are in a public place or via a third party to reduce their ability to act aggressively toward or manipulate you.
Taking legal guidance to navigate the divorce process can help you set the grounds for a good working relationship in your new role as co-parents.
